春节自救指南 歌词翻译

Forrest Gump's mother said
Life is like a box of chocolates
You never know what you're gonna get
Exactly like that, whenever you come home,
You don't know it at all, what question would
Your biological parents and various relatives put to you
You may expect to meet them but don't know what they'll do on you
We call this

Schrödinger's Spring Festival

Eldest Aunt:
Oh, I thought you forgot to come back home!
Relatives:
Wow, here you come, you got fatter (In Shanghainese)
Little son, have you got a girlfriend? (In Sichuanese)
Is he your second son? Why is he getting fat? (In X-dong dialect)
Shit, it's Shichao, right? (In Northeast Chinese dialact)

Seventh Aunt: Got a mate?
Me: No
Seventh Aunt: Fall in love with someone?
Me: I'm ugly
Seventh Aunt: So I take you to your date tomorrow; Lose weight as soon as possible.
Relatives: Stop eating
Eldest Uncle: You say you're preparing for TOEFL
Eldest Uncle's wife: But you don't practice at all
Eldest Uncle: Were I you, I wouldn't go abroad
Eldest Uncle's wife: I wouldn't leave
Second Uncle: How much salary a month?
Join my institution, OK?

Relatives: We want the best for you
Your parents got sad. They do it all for you

Eldest Aunt: My dear son in Japan
Has just achieved a master's degree
Unwittingly, got shotgun marriage
And got an offer of civil servant, hahaha
Me:
Please stop (Someone's knocking at the door)
I can't stand it (Open the door now)
Dad, mom (Who the hell)
Help me against them (Is it him?)

Old Wang:
Hello, everyone!

I'm Old Wang, a suck-cessful man
I, with my son, am here to celebrate the new year for you and your family!
Relatives:
His arms fully covered with watches, he got 60 mu of rice fields
How can we be so rich as him?
Little Wang:
I just received my series-A (He's so great! Awesome!)
I gonna move my company to Shanghai next year (Other people's child! Other people's child!)
Relatives:
He wears tight leather trousers, has 13 Land Rovers before the door
You should be aware of the gap between you and him

Relatives:
Gloria! Come back to hometown and work! (My baby)
Gloria! Go to the blind date! (They want the best for you)
Their subtext:
Can't you do something right? Listen to us, just resign!
You are the least sensible, the least sensible, the least sensible!

Eldest Aunt: Are you aware of your mistake?
Me: Yes
Eldest Aunt: What's your mistake?
Me: Yes
Eldest Aunt: I say, WHAT is your mistake?

(Members of choir changing outfits)

Rap of Me:
My mistake: My career plan too simple; I began to work before going to graduate school
I disobeyed my Second Uncle, he wanted me to be a guard at his institution
My mistake: I dared not pick blooming flowers
I didn't know how to love when in college (I just wanna live my life)
My favorite are either not enough educated or too short
I shoulda helped the national soccer team win
I shoulda recharge a space ship (Let me choose)
I shoulda fulfilled all dreams of my family
I shoulda become a CEO within a month after graduation
I shoulda promptly attended a date, got married and had children
And it's better to have twins, one son and one daughter

Eldest Aunt: You must be a nerd?
Relatives: You musta become a nerd!

Me: No one can beat me in my BGM

Rap of Me:
I climbed trees, got frostbitten on Guoding Rd. in my childhood
I danced in Chaoyang Park and overcame the smog
How can I give up my ideal (I just wanna live my life)
And be the one I hate most (Why don't y'all know?)

I climbed trees, got frostbitten on Guoding Rd. in my childhood
I danced in Chaoyang Park and overcame the smog
Don't wanna be taken to comparison (I won't give up my ideal)
Why interfere with my decision (be the one I hate most)

I climbed trees, got frostbitten on Guoding Rd. in my childhood
I danced in Chaoyang Park and overcame the smog
Dear family members, I have my own life

Whole family:
Sorry, sorry, sorry...
Old Wang, no one wants arms race with you; It's meaningful to work hard oneself!
Forget our conflict; Reunion is our very topic
Let's play mahjong till the dawn!

Have you had enough sea cucumber?
Yes, I have!
Are you wearing chill cool?
To save oneself in the Spring Festival, not only wisdom
But also love is needed
La la la la...
BANG
BANG
BANG BANG

Jin Chengzhi: Happy Chinese New Year!

阿甘他妈说过
人生就像一块巧克力
你永远不知道下一块是什么味道
就像你每一次回家
也完全不知道你的亲生父母和各种亲戚
又要给你出什么样的考题
这种期待见面却不知道对面招数的设定
我们称之为——

薛定谔的春节

大姨：
哟 还知道回来呐
亲戚众：
哟 来啦 那么胖了嘛（上海话）
幺儿 耍朋友没得嘛（四川话）
这不是你二儿子 怎么又胖啦（某东南方言
哎妈 这不士超吗（东北话）

七姑：找对象了没？
主：木有
七姑：有喜欢的人了没？
主：我丑
七姑：那么明天带你去相亲 抓紧快减个肥
亲戚众：饭就憋
大舅：托福准备只靠说
大舅妈：什么都不做
大舅：我要是你我就不出国
大舅妈：不出国
二叔：一个月工资有多少
到我单位工作要不要？

亲戚众：都是为你好
爸爸妈妈很伤心 都是为你好

大姨：宝贝儿子在日本
刚读完研究僧
一不小心奉子成了婚
还考上个公务员 哈哈哈哈哈
主人公：
不要再说啦（有人敲门）
我快受不了啦（快去开门）
爸爸妈妈（到底是谁）
帮我还击（难道是他要来到）

老王：
大家好！

我是ceng功人士
带着犬子给你全家拜个年
亲戚：
他满臂的手表 家里六十亩水稻
咱怎么比得了
小王：
不才A轮刚刚钱进来（他好厉害 惹人崇拜）
公司明年就要搬上海（人家的小孩 人家的小孩）
亲戚众：
他紧身的皮裤 门前十三辆路虎
差距你心里应该有数

亲戚众：
Gloria！回老家工作吧！（我的宝贝）
Gloria！跟我去相亲吧！（他们也是为你好）
亲戚奥义：
你就不能做点正事 老老实实给我辞职
就你最不懂事 就你最不懂事 就你最不懂事 就你最不懂事啦

大姨：你知道错了吗？
主人公：知道
大姨：错哪儿啦？
主人公：知道
大姨：我问你错哪啦？

（合唱团员换装备）

主人公Rap：
我错在 人生规划太简单 还没读研就上班
没听二叔的话去他的单位当个保安
我错在 花开了不敢去摘
大学都不懂恋爱（I just wanna live my life）
喜欢的人不是学历太低就是身高太矮
我应该 帮国足小组出线
给宇宙飞船充电（让我自己选吧）
一家老小的愿望都交给我来实现
我应该 毕业一个月内 就任总裁
闪电相亲立马结婚生小孩最好是
龙凤胎

大姨：你是不是读书读傻了?
亲戚众：你是不是读书读傻了?

主人公：没人能在我的BGM里战胜我

主人公Rap：
我童年爬过树 冻伤国定路
跳过朝阳公园的广场舞 雾霾也没能将我征服
怎么会放弃我的理想（I just wanna live my life）
变成我最讨厌的模样（为什么你们都不明白）

我童年爬过树 冻伤国定路
跳过朝阳公园的广场舞 雾霾也没能将我征服
不想跟别人做对比（怎么会放弃我的理想）
为什么要替我做决定（变成我最讨厌的模样）

我童年爬过树 冻伤国定路
跳过朝阳公园的广场舞 雾霾也没能将我征服
各位亲爱的家人 我有我自己的人生

全家：
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！
老王 谁要跟你去攀比 前程自己拼才有意义
收起我们的分歧 团圆才是我们的话题
搓麻将到天明

大海参吃饱了没？
已经吃饱啦
棉毛裤穿上了没？
春节自救不仅靠智慧
还需要爱常相随
啦 啦啦啦啦 啦 啦啦啦啦 啦 啦啦啦啦
BANG
BANG
BANG BANG

金承志：春节快乐